Airplane stories — part 1: I peek at other people’s phones.

I feel a set of boney knees on the back of my seat rattling every so often like an annoying, malfunctioning massage chair. I think of looking around and giving him a dirty look. Dude, it’s not my fault that you are *so* tall, stop pushing your long leg agenda on me. But the plane hasn’t even left the tarmac for some “mechanical issues” and I don’t want to start beef for this five hour long flight. In situations like this, the back seat holds the strategic high ground anyway.

The man in the seat next to me is watching the prettylittlething website for an hour now. I glance over the guy. He doesn’t look like a type of guy who would be interested in purchasing a Brown Leopard Print Woven Halterneck Frill Hem Bodycon Dress, let alone an Orange Flower Print Wooden Bead Triangle Bikini Top, but he swipes through the catalog full of hundreds of beautiful models with a fervor of a shopaholic. I would honestly rather him watch porn. I don’t like the fact that his arms are touching mine. I give him the slightest side eye. He quickly opens another app to make it a little less obvious. Yes, man. Shame on you.

“Oh hey, I think I sat next to you on a flight recently. Didn’t you fly to ATL during Thanksgiving by any chance?”